"Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again."
— Amon I. Dohno
"Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk."
— Juan Gai
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth."
— Oscar Wilde
A man once told The Buddha, "I want happiness." The Buddha replied, "First remove 'I', that's ego. Then remove 'WANT', that's desire. And now all you're left with is HAPPINESS".
— Sum Gai
"Before you talk, LISTEN. Before you react, THINK. Before you spend, EARN. Before you criticize, WAIT. Before you pray, FORGIVE. Before you quit, TRY."
— Ernest Hemingway
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
— Albert Einstein
"Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."
— - Hoontha Hellnos
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
— Carl Sagan
"Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there."
— Will Rogers
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
— Theodore Roosevelt
"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' "
— Steven Wright
''I would like to read to you what The Jesus said about homosexuality. I'd like to but he never said anything about it. Evidently Jesus was so filled with rage that he was speechless. I am confident he condemned it all the time in private, when he was hanging out with those other 12 dudes at their elaborate dinner parties, where they all sat on the same side of the table, just living the bachelor life together, drinking wine and working on their washboard abs.''
— Stephen Colbert
